Move Closer

Ugh!

It’s here. The moment that can no longer be avoided. Yes, the dreaded ‘intimacy scenes’.

I’m relatively good at locations, actions, plot points and explaining how time-travel through a wormhole in your cupboard works but anything more than a furtive glance sends me into an analysis paralysis of endless rewrites until whole weekends have gone by with nothing more than a [write something better here] – double underlined and usually highlighted in yellow.

I did some research (as I procrastinated – naturally) and there’s a tonne of advice on ‘How to write a love scene in fiction’ which you can find for yourself but there were a couple of other things which helped get my MCs closer.

Usual list disclaimers apply.

Intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean sex

You may decide that the (ahem) climax of the relationship involves sex but the road to orgasmic bliss should be paved with an ever increasing level of intimacy that not only allows the characters to know each other, but for your readers to know them too. Finding a way to get all that emotion on the page, even if you’d rather eat your own eyeballs, is essential if your readers are to believe in the relationship and all that it entails. Love scenes are not necessarily sex scenes (although they can be if you want).

Do you know your characters’ love language?

When building any form of intimacy, this is as important as how a person looks. Their love language is the fundamental way in which they express and receive love and can give you pointers on how to build intimacy. It isn’t always about physical touch and the counterpoint between two people’s different love languages can lead to conflict which can lead to tension which can lead to … you know the rest.

What are the barriers to intimacy?

There are always some. Physical, emotional and mental – and it’s useful to understand how deep and how strong these are. Again, if your MMC is looking to dismantle the barriers your FMC has built, knowing if he needs a sledgehammer or a needle lets you create credible scenes between them. It is important, however, that you don’t make these insurmountable if you truly want an HEA.

Who else are they intimate with? (In both sexual and non-sexual ways)

I’m a hugger. My eldest daughter, however, is a cat in human form which means she tolerates family hugging but won’t initiate it herself. The way in which your MCs respond to their family, friends and ex-lovers shows their RLI’s (Romantic Love Interest) how to get closer to them without telling them.

What is their attitude to sex?

Seems weird to try and define it upfront but there is a difference between how a person feels about sex and intimacy in general, that allows you to carve out the small details for the reader to see. If you are planning an ‘opposites attract’, understanding their starting points will be crucial to making them meet somewhere in the middle.

I feel like I could be writing an FAQ for any number of on-line dating sites but in truth, if we are to build realistic characters, we should consider all aspects of their budding relationship. During my procrastination research, the authors that do this well have found a way to show all of the above as the relationship unfolds making the final pay-off infinitely more rewarding.

As a writer I know that being able to write credible relationships hangs on building emotional connections – I also know that some of my reticence is fear. Which I am working to get over. Step by step; touch by touch; kiss by kiss.

Wish me luck.