In my last post, I talked about building intimacy between characters but inevitably we have arrived at the point of no return. It is time, dear Reader, to let them get naked.
Most book reviews sites helpfully allow you to denote the level of spice found in your selected novel but as Sally Glover explains this can be subjective. The AAR’s Sensuality Rating System is similar but also highlights the fact that romance writing is more explicit these days so Jackie Collins is not as scandalous as she used to be.
The key, I feel, is to plan ahead so you can lay the groundwork early. Letting your reader know in advance, in some small way, of what they might expect later will help ensure they aren’t on an overcrowded train when they hit a crucial chapter, with someone reading over their shoulder – hypothetically speaking of course.
So, how can you make sure you aren’t faking it?
The usual list disclaimers apply.
- Is it necessary?
- I mean really necessary. The rules about scene necessity still apply for your sex scenes, perhaps even more so. Ask yourself how your scene will move the plot or the characters’ along; how it may cause or resolve the conflict. Can it help your characters discover something about themselves that will be crucial later on? Your genre may dictate the relevance of these intimate scenes but their impact on the story should be the same.
- I mean really necessary. The rules about scene necessity still apply for your sex scenes, perhaps even more so. Ask yourself how your scene will move the plot or the characters’ along; how it may cause or resolve the conflict. Can it help your characters discover something about themselves that will be crucial later on? Your genre may dictate the relevance of these intimate scenes but their impact on the story should be the same.
- Open door vs Closed Door
- Sex is an emotionally complex activity. Even when you think it isn’t. Given that the average person has sex 5778 in their life time (seriously look it up) not all of that is purely reproductional. As writers, if we don’t want the sex to feel fake, putting that complexity on the page is essential. This is especially important at the beginning of relationships where the balance of power has yet to be established.
For me the question of open vs closed doors is less about the mechanics of the sex scene in question but the access to the inner thoughts and feelings of those involved. Without this, it can feel like a naughty version of Twister and the last thing you want your reader to be wondering during this climaxtic scene is whether or not the position is physically possible (or comfortable).
- Sex is an emotionally complex activity. Even when you think it isn’t. Given that the average person has sex 5778 in their life time (seriously look it up) not all of that is purely reproductional. As writers, if we don’t want the sex to feel fake, putting that complexity on the page is essential. This is especially important at the beginning of relationships where the balance of power has yet to be established.
- How hot do you want it?
- And then read examples of that level -reader rated not author defined. Write to that level and then see if you can tone it down and/or up. Have you got it right? Do you need more or less to make the scene authentic? If you have a trusted Beta reader, ask them what they think? I think mine could go to all the way to five so I know if it’s too much for her, it’s definitely too much.
Whichever level you choose, please for the love of God, refrain from using the word ‘moist’.
- And then read examples of that level -reader rated not author defined. Write to that level and then see if you can tone it down and/or up. Have you got it right? Do you need more or less to make the scene authentic? If you have a trusted Beta reader, ask them what they think? I think mine could go to all the way to five so I know if it’s too much for her, it’s definitely too much.
- Practice makes perfect
- If you are still struggling to get the words on the page, copy them out from your favourite novel. I know, weird right. BUT the act of actually writing them down – even if they are not your words will prove to you that you CAN write these types of scenes, physically – which may help break down some of your own internal barriers. Change the names, the location and the position if you can, and then put it in the bottom of a drawer never to be seen again. If all else fails, ask ChatGPT.
- If you are still struggling to get the words on the page, copy them out from your favourite novel. I know, weird right. BUT the act of actually writing them down – even if they are not your words will prove to you that you CAN write these types of scenes, physically – which may help break down some of your own internal barriers. Change the names, the location and the position if you can, and then put it in the bottom of a drawer never to be seen again. If all else fails, ask ChatGPT.
- Connect with authors who do it well
- Finally, remember – you are not alone. There are so many authors out there who understand the journey you are on; many have Facebook groups, blogs, writing retreats, Patreon accounts etc where you can connect and ask the most insane questions.
We all have those dark recesses of our writing minds that we find it hard to explore. Often sex scenes feel like a form of exposure only they aren’t. If it feels too close to home, then perhaps it is – remember these characters are not you. Their thoughts, feelings and desires are not yours. Writing credible, authentic sex scenes is not about the act, but about the emotion it allows you to convey. Emotions make your characters vulnerable. They make your characters human.
Which is a good thing. Unless of course your character is a robot, or a dog, or even a robot-dog. Now excuse me while I go and wedge open that door.
The Curious Wordsmith 
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